For Thanksgiving, keep relationships, not politics, at center

Algernon D’Ammassa, Las Cruces Bulletin

Thanksgiving dinner is not a cable news show. Neither host nor guest are obligated to imitate one. Keep personal relationships at the center.

Don’t be afraid to pass on anything served to you, whether it’s the green bean casserole or an invitation to weigh in on matters you are not prepared to discuss.

You are not required to repeat the patterns of previous interactions. You are permitted to smile and say this is Thanksgiving, not Groundhog Day. Change the subject, get a refreshment or go wash your hands. Interrupt the cycle.

Uphold dignity for yourself and others. Respect the feelings and inner life of other people, who may not be showing you all that is going on for them.

Topics of conversation must be consensual, and consent can be withdrawn at any time. Let it shift with grace.

The other person at the table may feel that the republic is on a conveyor belt headed for an industrial-size grinder; or they may feel that the republic has just been saved from that fate; or they may not think much about that at all and are sick of hearing about it. Consider that this is not an occasion to correct their thinking.

In any of these cases, discussion about the election, the transfer of power and where it may lead, will not effectively be litigated in the midst of overexcited children, begging dogs, football on television, heavy intake of protein and starch, or alcohol.

If confronted with an alternative universe of fact, skip it for today. Do not build a bridge to a black hole. Smile, talk about the kids or the game or a funny thing that happened recently.

If you mutually consent to enter controversial territory, share yourself honestly and without condescension. Slow, calming breaths are indispensable here. Perhaps begin with specific details of how you expect your household to be affected by specific promises and proposals emerging from the Trump transition. Maybe stick with that; or, from there, radiate outwards to how you expect people you love and care about to be affected by specific actions.

Share expertise, concrete examples, and your dearest principles. Never mind stuff you saw on the internet. Stick with what you know or what you’re feeling.

Be open to questions and treat them as opportunities to clarify your own thoughts and feelings, rather than a chance to interrogate the other person’s wrong ideas.

Forget about being right. Today, be a person.

Algernon D’Ammassa is the managing editor of the Las Cruces Bulletin. This editorial was republished through a partnership with AP Storyshare.